Scrambled Eggs & Strippers

So I wake up today around 12:30pm and begin my normal productive routine by making scrambled eggs for breakfast or brunch...whatever the fuck you wanna call it. Thats besides the point. As I'm going ham and squirting mad Frank's hot sauce all over my eggs (pause, just incase Seth is reading this) it gets me thinking about this past weekend and the party my friends had. It was Cinco de Mayo so shit is supposed to get a little weird, right? I recall going to fill my cup up from the keg when I see a washed up Carl Winslow blocking the door. Most people would probably question who this guy was but I assumed nothing of it with the type of characters I usually see at this house on the weekends. I soon came to realize that he was a bouncer/stripper body guard. I fill my cup up and figure hey what the hell free tits and ass to look at right? Nah bruh, I soon found myself feeling like I was in a cult or some shit at some undiscovered brothel dawg. These strippers were at the lowest end of the spectrum. One of them you could fit a tugboat between her tits and the other could've used a buffet of scrambled eggs she was so skinny. I proceeded to watch for a little drinking my beer, acting all manly and shit. It all just went down hill from there. One buddy was getting spanked crawling around the room barking and shit. I started getting stressed after a few minutes and figured maybe I could find some legit prosper upstairs so I left. I later came to find out that dudes paid money to get squirted on. I mean for real tho? These strippers were probably from Oxford, Massachusetts or some shit mind you. I wouldn't even consider being paid to be squirted on never mind tossing them money to do it to me. So it got me thinking is it unmanly to not enjoy a stripper session? Am I losing my mind? I just booked an appointment with a psychiatrist cuz I'm stressed that something is wrong with me...