Pusha T - Exodus 23:1

"You can keep your beats n*gga, we much rather share your bitch n*gga... bitch n*gga!"

Work for it...

There is something about a working woman that is so appealing to me. By working I don't mean those 8 hours you accumulated last week at Papa Gino's.. I'm talking about a real working woman. 40 hour weeks and her priorities in order (#HeyBoos). There is nothing like going out with a female that not only has the money to pay for herself, but wants to. Besides, I didn't scrub dishes and vacuum for an allowance at the tender age of 12 so that I could grow up and spend my money on some lazy hood booger.

Let me also touch on the fact that women love to hold out. Something about not giving it up too fast excites them. I'm convinced the shit really makes them feel good inside. Woman, listen.. if you wanna feel good about yourself try this. Don't get me wrong, I'm a patient dude, and if I'm really feeling you I'll put in the time and effort to let you know that. But there is a big difference between waiting for 401k box, and waiting for "I'm chillin on the couch watching Love & Hip Hop about to smoke this L.." box.

The figure above shows my patience for you non-PTO having women. X-axis shows how many hours you got on your weekly time card, while the Y-axis illustrates my level of patience.

As you can see, if you're dog walking or baby sitting 1 or 2 nights a week you can withold that box from someone else, I ain't even trying to hear that. You start picking up shifts at that tanning salon and I'll wait a little longer. As the hours increase so does my thirst, along with my willingness to chill with you and do a bunch of shit I don't enjoy doing. You work 40+ hours and you're racking up overtime then I respect you and your box, we chillin. At some point though, I don't give a fuck how many hours you work or how early your bills get paid, I'm just not waiting anymore.

Just because I more often than not refer to women in derogatory manner, doesn't mean I don't respect you. I respect women and love you all just the same. Now go build that résumé and fuck on the first date...

Fashion Nonsense

I was inspired this weekend by horrible wardrobe malfunctions. There is something about 75 degree weather that brings out people's inner fuckin weirdo. The sun comes out and everyone needs to make a fashion statement.. Please help put an end to all of these.

1. Jean shorts.

The only people that should be wearing jean shorts are small children or old men. So if you aren't prepping for an MCAS test, or at a cookout with a handlebar mustache, take the jean shorts off. God created jeans to rest by your ankles, not your kneecaps.

2. Denim jumpsuits.

While we are on the topic of denim, let me please ask that no one ever think it's acceptable to slip on a denim jacket after putting on some jeans. You won't be taken seriously if you look live you've just been cut from a roll of denim. I don't care if you saw Chris Brown do it. He landed uppercuts on Rihanna and has bleach blond hair bruh. He can go dance in a corner, anything he does in life is irrelevant.

3. Socks in your boat shoes ?

  

(See above picture) No further explanation needed, just keep the socks out the Sperrys.

4. Fitted stickers

Don't disrespect your fitted like this bruh. Let the hat achieve greatness in society and remove that awkward sticker that covers 90% of the brim. And since we are peeling, get rid of the bar code sticker too, no one doing a price check.

5.Tucked in for the belt. 

 This one has to take the cake. You got guys out here tucking in a $6 Hanes t-shirt into a pair of vintage washed Old Navy jeans to show off a belt. Smh, go hang yourself with your Gucci belt.

Just look in the mirror bruh. And when in doubt, change clothes. There is no reason you should have your girl petrified while you're getting dressed before a night out.

Things we need to get the fuck out of here...

Snooze buttons.

After some nights I would rather hear the Lord himself call me upstairs over the sound of an alarm clock. They say normal, healthy people, should sleep between 8 and 9 hours every night. Sounds good, but if you're anything like me and you constantly find yourself staring into an empty bottle of liquor until the wee hours of the morning, then you're probably only getting about five or six. five or six bruh? That's an extended nap more than it is a complete nights sleep. So it's only natural that when 7:00am comes, and it does come fast, that I'm flying straight over to that snooze button...

Problem with the snooze button is it's addicting. Ain't no one ever hit the snooze one single time bruh. I usually hit the snooze even when I know I should already be up and dressed. <--- Problem. The snooze button has a weird way of making you think it's okay to keep sleeping.

It's got to the point where I am now setting 4 or 5 different alarms, all with their own individual snooze buttons. Sounds like a symphony in the bedroom bruh. Shit has me waking up with stress levels peaking. This is how real the struggle is..

I guess I can't blame it all on the snooze button, it's actually the entire alarm clock and the gruesome sounds that come along with it. I just wanna be woken up by doves soaring into my window and beautiful Dominican woman bringing me cups of fruit. If that's too much to ask then I don't know if this life is worth living. For now I guess I'll keep hitting the snooze button and continue this 6 month streak of being late for work.

Most common jobs for Women

Administrative Assistant -  okay so you basically answer phones all day and do everyone else in the office's bitch work, no but really thats it.

Waitress/Bartender - dress slutty, show some tits, and make strong drinks.  So much talent required, I swear.  You can even throw stripper in this category, but id have to say some of them have some real talent. If you don't believe me revert back to this post: Enjoy this.....

Tanning Salon - press a few buttons, collect some money, and tan for free.  The ideal job for any girl right? Half of them are on Facebook and Twitter the whole time anyways.

Meek Mill - Dreamchasers 2

Meeks tape dropped yesterday.. Maaan, listen. Meek you must have known we needed this. I don't care how many felonies this is going to inspire, this shit goes hard in the whip! I couldn't even tell you how many times I listened to tracks 1 through 5.. fire. The more I listen the more I keep getting the urge to rob a convenient store and buy a nice watch. Download here or here.