Scrambled Eggs & Strippers

So I wake up today around 12:30pm and begin my normal productive routine by making scrambled eggs for breakfast or brunch...whatever the fuck you wanna call it. Thats besides the point. As I'm going ham and squirting mad Frank's hot sauce all over my eggs (pause, just incase Seth is reading this) it gets me thinking about this past weekend and the party my friends had. It was Cinco de Mayo so shit is supposed to get a little weird, right? I recall going to fill my cup up from the keg when I see a washed up Carl Winslow blocking the door. Most people would probably question who this guy was but I assumed nothing of it with the type of characters I usually see at this house on the weekends. I soon came to realize that he was a bouncer/stripper body guard. I fill my cup up and figure hey what the hell free tits and ass to look at right? Nah bruh, I soon found myself feeling like I was in a cult or some shit at some undiscovered brothel dawg. These strippers were at the lowest end of the spectrum. One of them you could fit a tugboat between her tits and the other could've used a buffet of scrambled eggs she was so skinny. I proceeded to watch for a little drinking my beer, acting all manly and shit. It all just went down hill from there. One buddy was getting spanked crawling around the room barking and shit. I started getting stressed after a few minutes and figured maybe I could find some legit prosper upstairs so I left. I later came to find out that dudes paid money to get squirted on. I mean for real tho? These strippers were probably from Oxford, Massachusetts or some shit mind you. I wouldn't even consider being paid to be squirted on never mind tossing them money to do it to me. So it got me thinking is it unmanly to not enjoy a stripper session? Am I losing my mind? I just booked an appointment with a psychiatrist cuz I'm stressed that something is wrong with me...

In case you missed it....

The other night when the Nuggets played the Lakers a random women wandered onto the court during the 2nd quarter.  The rumor is that she has a history of stalking Denver Nuggets players, YES nuggets players, dont ask why she chose that team but she did.  She was attempting to ask Ty Lawson where Kenyon Martin was.  Kenyon Martin plays for the Clippers, and has not played for Denver since last year.  I mean i've dealt with my share of crazy women in my life, but this bitch took it wayyyy to far, running on court during a live nba game WTF lol.  If I was Martin I'd start running now before she makes her way to LA.

*Prosper of the Day*

India de Beaufort

Simply gorgeous, theres really no other way to describe this chick.  She's not the most well known actress, but damn that body will get her known reallllll quick in my book.  If you haven't seen her spread in Maxim, please do so soon, youll enjoy it!!! Anyways here some more pics.

     

      

Tough Luck

http://now.msn.com/now/0507-misprinted-lottery-ticket.aspx


This guy bought a scratch a day before his birthday, thinking luck may be on his side. And luck was definetly on his side when he found out he hit for $1 million dollars off a cheap scratch ticket. He goes to cash it in only to find out it was a misprint, and the MA Lottery has no intention of paying him out. Now is that some fuckin bad luck or what lol. I know if I was this dude I'd make my case that I should be payed out no matter what. Human mistakes always have a price tag on them. I just hope he didnt go and buy anything to outrageous before finding out the ticket was a misprint, that would suck.

Swag!

 

This shit is crazy bruh. Not only does it make no sense and serve absolutely no purpose. But it's so fuckin dumb that it's cool. If I see you walking around with this hand case I am immediately dapping up you and your phone.

The Art of Unsnapping a Bra

Everyone has had their share of times when it has been a pure struggle to unsnap a bra. Most of the time its all good, you just ask her to do it, or play with it until it comes undone. But then there's that time when you bring a new girl out for drinks. Everything seems to be going good, and you keep buying her drinks, gettting her as drunk as possible to give you the best chance of getting laid. You leave the bar, pull up to your house and pop the question "Do you want to come in?" If the answer is yes, you're hyped and quickly rush her into your bedroom before she changes her everchanging mind. If the answer is no, then you don't need to worry about the bra anyways..

So you make the first move, start kissing her, blah, blah, blah, the boring shit. Things start to heat up and you take off her shirt. You are doing everything you can to not fuck this one up, UNTIL you go to unsnap her bra. Son, this shit ain't easy when you're wasted and nervous around a new girl. Some bras only have one hook, some have two, then some just seem so hard to undo that its like the picture above. The key is you have to, I repeat HAVE TO get this done correctly on the first try or there will be no sex in your near future. If you are successful then most likely you're having intercouse in t-minus a few minutes. If not, then what happens? Usually the time spent failing to unsnap the bra has given shorty enough time to rethink having sex with you. She'll pull the "Not tonight" or the "I'm not like that" and this usually makes her stop kissing you, which turns into laying down to cuddle. But who the fuck wants to cuddle now a days, that shit ain't fun.

Unsnapping a bra is pure art. It takes practice, but once you master the science you will be on the right path to obtaining box in the future.